The Pit

It's been a crazy couple of weeks for me. I feel like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. My husband has been calling more and talking for long periods of time. He's been extra nice and admitted his life isn't better than it was before and that he has thought about coming home but just doesn't know if he can. It's been hard dealing with the "change" in him. I still don't hear any remorse in his voice and I've gotten no apology. It's difficult to "chit chat" with him while he continues to live with the other woman. 

Anyway, I allowed his calls and my emotions to derail me. I relapsed into my old habit of binge eating to drown my emotions, something I have not done in a long time. I wasn't able to concentrate at work and all I felt like doing when I got home was sleeping. I'm so thankful for my friend Nancy, who knows me better than anyone else. She saw exactly what was happening. She picked me up, dusted me off, and I'm back on track again. I'm so blessed to have her in my life. I don't know where I would be without her. Never underestimate the blessing of good friends who don't allow you to wallow in self-pity, but who love you enough to confront you and help you out of the pit of despair. I had forgotten how dark the pit feels. It's ugly and oppressive. Stuffing myself with food never made me feel better, only worse. 

It feels so good to be back on track again, and thankfully I only gained a few pounds with the binge eating. I hope to have them off by Friday when I attend my Weight Watchers meeting. 

It was quite fitting that I picked up a christian magazine yesterday. One of the articles was about a woman realizing that gluttony was a sin, and she shared how she lost weight when she started to see her body as God's temple and that we are to honor Him with our body. I knew that and had read the familiar verses many times, but I so desperately needed the reminder. I wrote in big letters on my tracker for today: Gluttony is a sin...enough said!

So, what happens now? Only God knows what the future holds. I had to surrender my husband and marriage to God...again. I can't change my husband. Only God can work in his heart to bring him to repentance. I will continue to pray for him, but in the meantime I need to get on with my life. I can't dwell on what might happen. I need to take care of my health by eating right, exercising, getting enough sleep, and spending time each day in prayer and reading my Bible daily. 

I spent my day off cooking healthy meals for the work week. The fridge is stocked with ready-to-eat fresh fruits and veggies and lots of bottled water. I'm prepared and it's a good feeling. I'm going to make it! I will not give up. Life looks so much brighter outside the pit!