Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

A popular country music song by Johnny Lee is titled Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places. It's an older song and part of the soundtrack from the movie Urban Cowboy. The theme of the song is about someone who wants to find real love but who spent a lifetime looking for it in the wrong places. 

It could also be the theme song for emotional eaters. We often eat because we feel unloved and uncared about. Seeking love is one of the main reasons I went on eating binges in the past. I was in a difficult marriage and desperately wanted to feel loved and cared about. I turned to food to meet that need. While it satisfied me for a short time, (while I was eating) afterwards it left me miserable and feeling even more unloved. 

One of the hardest things is learning to let go of the old habit of running to food. I have to remind myself that food is not love. It is never going to love me back. It's simply one of those  "wrong places" where I try to find love. I fully understand addiction to alcohol and drugs. Not because I've ever dealt with either of those things firsthand, but because I know what it's like to be out of control and addicted to a substance. Addiction is destructive to us emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. If we don't get it under control, eventually it will probably kill us.

I recall a particularly bad day I was having. My husband had just left me and moved to another state with his girlfriend. I was a new empty-nester and the feelings of loneliness and being deserted overwhelmed me. I wanted food because it was what I always ran to for comfort. Instead, I grabbed my journal and forced myself out the door. I knew I had to get away from the house or I would have eaten everything in sight. 

This was the beginning of my journal entry from that day: 

"I can't take this pain. I feel so unloved and alone. I feel like I'm dying. I want to eat more than anything right now. I feel like I've lost everything and now I've lost my best friend, food."

The first and probably the most vital step to breaking free from food addiction is to take an honest look at why you are really eating. It can be painful to start peeling back those emotional layers, but it's a necessary part of the process. Do some soul searching. What pain are you trying to medicate with food? Be honest and real with yourself. I believe almost every obese person is suffering from some sort of emotional pain that is trapped deep beneath all those layers of fat. Once you learn what it is, you can begin to deal with those emotions in healthy ways. 

I will be sharing what helps me and some of the healthy ways I'm learning to cope with emotional needs in upcoming posts. Stay tuned...