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I really didn't want this new season of life. I hate being separated and the thought of divorce makes me nauseous. I dreamed we would grow old together and that we would be able to enjoy our family with each other. So many hopes and dreams shattered...
The other day I realized how long I have been clinging to my old season of life rather than moving forward. I guess part of the reason I didn't move on was because I hate this. I really do. But move on I must. God revealed to me that I've been clinging so tightly to my old season that I was missing a lot of the blessings he has for me in this new season. I was coming home from work at night and succumbing to the couch potato syndrome. I would rush in the door and wrap up tightly in my blanket in front of the TV. I was always reminiscing about what used to be and how things should be. I soon found myself in a major depression and didn't even realize it.
I was reading a prayer note in the margin of my bible recently and realized it had been nearly seven years since my husband started seeing the other woman and nearly a year since he left me. I have been dealing with this mess for much longer than I realized. No wonder I felt so despondent! It was a wake up call for me. It was no coincidence when my bible verse on my desk calender that day was Psalm 1: 3: "And he shall be like a tree planted by the streams of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper." When we stay focused on God we can bear fruit in each season. I was withered because I was clinging to my old season, refusing to move forward.
I knew I had to get on with my life and I don't mean by filing for divorce or giving up on my marriage. If God chooses to heal my marriage and bring my husband home, he will give me the strength to forgive and the courage to face that challenge. I will not be the one to file for divorce, as I feel this is what God revealed to my heart. I've had numerous people encourage me to get the divorce, but I could never bring myself to do so. Something about it just doesn't feel right, and I have to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit on this matter regardless of what people tell me. What is right for me might not be right for someone else, but I know what I feel in my heart, and I will stand firm on my conviction not to file until I feel led otherwise.
Moving on for me means working on my weight loss and health goals, devoting time to my writing, enjoying my family and friends, and drawing near to God and seeing what he has planned for me in this new season of life. Clinging to the old season has been stifling, but embracing the new will allow God to work and enable me to bear fruit.
The other day I realized how long I have been clinging to my old season of life rather than moving forward. I guess part of the reason I didn't move on was because I hate this. I really do. But move on I must. God revealed to me that I've been clinging so tightly to my old season that I was missing a lot of the blessings he has for me in this new season. I was coming home from work at night and succumbing to the couch potato syndrome. I would rush in the door and wrap up tightly in my blanket in front of the TV. I was always reminiscing about what used to be and how things should be. I soon found myself in a major depression and didn't even realize it.
I was reading a prayer note in the margin of my bible recently and realized it had been nearly seven years since my husband started seeing the other woman and nearly a year since he left me. I have been dealing with this mess for much longer than I realized. No wonder I felt so despondent! It was a wake up call for me. It was no coincidence when my bible verse on my desk calender that day was Psalm 1: 3: "And he shall be like a tree planted by the streams of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper." When we stay focused on God we can bear fruit in each season. I was withered because I was clinging to my old season, refusing to move forward.
I knew I had to get on with my life and I don't mean by filing for divorce or giving up on my marriage. If God chooses to heal my marriage and bring my husband home, he will give me the strength to forgive and the courage to face that challenge. I will not be the one to file for divorce, as I feel this is what God revealed to my heart. I've had numerous people encourage me to get the divorce, but I could never bring myself to do so. Something about it just doesn't feel right, and I have to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit on this matter regardless of what people tell me. What is right for me might not be right for someone else, but I know what I feel in my heart, and I will stand firm on my conviction not to file until I feel led otherwise.
Moving on for me means working on my weight loss and health goals, devoting time to my writing, enjoying my family and friends, and drawing near to God and seeing what he has planned for me in this new season of life. Clinging to the old season has been stifling, but embracing the new will allow God to work and enable me to bear fruit.
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