New Website

I am blogging on a regular basis at my new website: www.jonishaffer.com and hope you will join me there. Thanks to those who have encouraged me and prayed for me throughout my struggle with food addiction. It's a struggle that continues, but I feel certain it's a battle I will win in time. I will not give up.

When I started this blog, my main goal was to focus on encouraging emotional eaters as well as provide some accountability for myself. As most of you know, my other blog www.mountaintopmelodies.blogspot.com was started to encourage others in their walk of faith and to be a source of spiritual nourishment.

Since becoming a full-time writer, I have found it necessary to have my own domain name and website. Maintaining one website and blog is much easier than tying to juggle several. It also makes it easier to blog on a more consistent basis.

The new website is less cluttered and easy to navigate. This is important as many people today read blogs on mobile devices. However, my goal for blogging has not changed. The new blog will continue to focus on spiritual encouragement, especially for women. It will also contain blog posts related to food addiction and becoming spiritually and physically healthy.

I look forward to the continued journey to better health and invite you to continue along with me. With God's help, we can do this!

And The Journey Continues

The longer I battle with obesity, the more I sympathize with others who struggle with substance abuse. Addiction ruins your life. It takes over your life and controls you. Regardless of what you're addicted to, breaking free is a long and hard road.

While it seems so hopeless at times, I believe it is possible to overcome food addiction. I've been on this journey a long time, and I find myself learning new things each time I fail and have to start over again. Perfectionism has been my greatest obstacle. I'm fine if I'm on track 100%, but the minute I fall off or eat something off plan, I'm done. I've argued with myself and others about my need to keep on track fully or I can't do it. I'm now learning how faulty my way of thinking has been.

As I begin a new year and a fresh start with my journey to better health, I've decided I need to focus on a few of the things I've learned throughout the process.

• Being a perfectionist is ridiculous. Human beings are imperfect. Each time I set a standard of "perfect" for myself, I'm ultimately setting myself up to fail. Being perfect is an impossible dream. It's not going to happen. I need to think realistically about my weight and eating habits.

• Each year I remain overweight, my health will suffer. This year has been a wake-up call in how rapidly the body declines when you don't take care of it. I spent a lot of time inactive this past year, due to recovering from an injury, and I'm feeling it. 

• I won't jump on the band wagon of every new diet program that shows up on the front cover of a magazine. Fad diets do not work long term. In fact, no diet will work long term. It has to be a consistent, never-ending lifestyle change. The way I eat today has to be something I can live with tomorrow and every day in the future.

• Moderation and common sense are everything. I enjoy drinking regular Coke. I also like chips, sweets, and pizza. In moderation these things are okay. I need to stop feeling like I've blown my plan if I indulge in a few things I love. I can eat anything. Portion control is the key to success. 

• There's always a healthy choice. Unexpected dinners out, invitations to parties, food buffets, family gatherings, church suppers, etc., are part of life. They aren't going to go away just because I decided to lose weight. Even if there's not one healthy food item on the buffet table, I can still choose to limit portions and eat less. Nobody is going to hold me down and force feed me. I am in control of what goes on my plate.

• Obesity is expensive. If I had the money I spent on fast food and junk food over the years, I would have a nice savings account. Food isn't cheap. Unnecessary trips to the grocery store and eating at fast food places hurts my budget worse than any bill I pay each month.

• I don't have to train for a marathon. Simply getting up from my desk and walking a little each hour is better than nothing. Taking short walks over the course of the day adds up.

• It's my own fault I'm overweight. It's easy to blame circumstances or others for my emotional eating. The truth is, I need to learn healthy ways to cope with emotions instead of running to food. 

• I need for forgive myself for all the times I tried and failed. The past is over. Dwelling on it is pointless. 

So here's to one more new start...one more new beginning!

I got a Fitbit activity monitor for my birthday. I wear it on my wrist and find it does remind me to get up and move more. My aim is to add a few more steps each week until I reach my goal of 10,000 steps a day.

I also went back to Weight Watchers. I think they have the best weight loss program available. Nothing is forbidden and they do teach a lifestyle change. Their new personal coaching is wonderful. I have access to my coach and online live chat support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The cost is minimal compared to what I was spending on junk food each week.

And the journey continues...

Tears Weigh More Than Pounds

First of all, let me apologize for neglecting this blog. I won't make excuses. It's pretty obvious I haven't done well in the weight loss/food addiction department. I'm still VERY much on the journey. But, I'm learning more about the root cause of obesity as I sort through my own emotions. I guess it's all part of the learning and growing process.

I enjoy watching the TV show Extreme Weight Loss with Chris and Heidi Powell. Each Tuesday, during a two-hour program, we see a person's year-long transformation. I think it's the best weight loss program on TV. I never cared for the competition-style weight loss shows. This show is unique and deals with the emotional reasons that made the person overweight. Watching each episode makes me more aware of the connection between obesity and hidden emotions. We've all heard that its not what you're eating when you have a weight problem, it's about what's eating you. That's true. A comment was made on one of the recent episodes that I don't think I will forget: 

"Tears weigh more than pounds"

Watching these people come to terms with their emotions is helping me see how much I need to come to terms with my own inner struggles. Chris Powell really stresses the need to get to the root cause of what is making someone turn to food. Usually this takes place early on in their transformation year. Chris often says they will not move forward until they face the pain they've been trying to numb with food.

I'm a work in progress in the confronting-emotions department. After my husband left to live with his girlfriend in another state four years ago, I ate myself up to an all-time high weight. Rather than facing what had happened, I turned to food. Sure, I had times where I dieted, lost weight, and did pretty well. However, eventually, I always returned to my old destructive habits of eating to soothe the hurt and pain. Why? Because I never truly dealt with the underlying cause of my obesity. 

Anyone who has ever been there will understand the feeling of rejection that comes when your husband of more than 30 years leaves without telling you. It's hard to explain the hurt associated with hearing the person you loved since you were a teenager tear your heart to pieces with their calloused words. It's a wound that cuts deep and will destroy you if you let it. I've allowed it to destroy me by eating to numb my suffering, which in turn caused weight gain and poor health.

The truth is, burying emotions not only causes weight gain, it causes numerous stress-related health problems. Stress is harmful to the body and will lead to major health issues if not properly handled. I deal with this personally each time my husband calls. Just talking to him always sends me into a health flare up, even though most of the time we are not arguing about anything. Just hearing his voice hurts me, because he still chooses to live apart from his entire family. When the children try to reach out to him, he hurts them also, or he finds some way to blame me. He has never once taken responsibility for his actions. Each time he blames me or lies, my self-esteem takes a major hit. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It's so destructive that I start to believe the lies he says or try to figure out what is wrong with me. It's toxic. I told my best friend that dealing with this issue with my marriage is like waking up each day and drinking a big glass of poison. 

Sorry if this post isn't very motivating, but when I started this blog, I promised I would always be honest and share my true thoughts and emotions. Hiding behind the truth is not the way to healing and overcoming emotional eating. I want to be real with others. Battling an addiction is messy, and it is a process that takes time. So, what you get here with this blog is honesty, along with the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Tears and emotional pain are definitely more weighty than the fat we carry on our bodies. I'm slowly coming to grips with how much this has and is affecting me and the quality of my life. I need to face the truth of my circumstances and begin to confront them. That is what I'm currently working on. 

I've allowed my husband to call me whenever he feels like it to chat about everyday things. He continues to drag his feet about the divorce but still lives with the other woman. He wants updates and photos of the kids, but yet he makes no effort to contact his children or grandchildren. I've had numerous Christian friends, pastors, and my counselor tell me that I need to break all ties with him. They've told me if he wants his family, then he needs to ask for forgiveness and put forth an effort to re-establish relationships with them. I'ts not okay to live with another woman and continue to call your wife. Yet, I've endured this for more than four years.

As many of you know, I've been standing and praying for the restoration of my marriage, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I know many marriages that have been healed and survived affairs and other difficult circumstances. But, there comes a point where I believe I need to start protecting my health. The only time I really need to discuss anything with him is if he wants to return home and have his family back, or if he decides to pursue the divorce. I can continue to pray for him, but I have to stop enabling him to hurt me. It really is not normal to chat with your wife on the phone while living with another woman. 

I have a tough road ahead of me to work through the emotions I've buried. I know it's not going to happen overnight, but I have to start somewhere to regain control of my health. I have to take a stand and face the truth. I need to remember how much those tears do weigh and how my own transformation can only happen when I choose to take the steps necessary to face facts and confront the pain I'm medicating with food. 

In many ways I feel this year is my year of transformation. It's the year I've been released from a job I didn't like. I'm working from home doing what I love-writing for a living. God is revealing things to me on a daily basis that I neglected to see in the past. I feel as if I'm finally beginning to walk out of the darkness and into the light. The road may be long, and there will be detours along the way, but with God by my side, I will conquer my habitual food addiction. 

What about you? What or who do you need to confront before you begin your own transformation process? 

Obesity and the Humiliation it Causes

The night before Thanksgiving, I was leaving for church when I fell on snow-covered steps, broke my ankle, and severely damaged the tendon in my leg. Suffering a break is never fun regardless of how much you weigh, but I'm convinced it's much worse when you have a lot of excess weight on your body. I will never forget the ambulance crew struggling to get me on the stretcher to take me to the hospital. I was so embarrassed!

I had surgery Thanksgiving morning and spent five days in the hospital before being discharged home in a wheelchair to begin 12 weeks of recovery with no weight bearing on my right leg.

Watching the paramedics struggle to get me loaded up in the ambulance was humiliating enough, but starting physical therapy in the hospital was equally humiliating. Learning to hop on one leg while using a walker was no easy feat with the excess weight involved. Not only did my arms hurt, I could literally hear my left leg cracking around the knee each time I hopped to the bathroom. I was terrified that the knee on my good leg wasn't going to hold up.

Coming home was another humiliating experience. Having others push you in a wheel chair when you are carrying excess weight isn't fun either. I felt ashamed of my excess weight. I thought about all the times I did not take it seriously and how many times I started a weight loss plan only to fall off the wagon repeatedly.

It has been a tremendous challenge learning to live in a wheelchair while being overweight. I have come a long way since the day I come home. I'm learning to do more things each week from my chair. I've been getting home physical therapy which has forced me to exercise. I thought it was going to kill me at first, but now I'm doing well with it. I actually told my physical therapist not to come one day in the beginning because I hated to exercise! I'm probably working out more in this wheelchair than I have before the accident. And, I have managed to lose 20 pounds even though my eating has not been very balanced lately. I think the extra exercise I'm getting wheeling myself all over the house and hopping on one leg with my walker has helped me burn extra calories.

This experience hasn't been all bad, and it has been a wake up call for me in many ways. I'm realizing the importance of getting fit while you can. You never know when something will happen that will show you just how serious obesity really is.

What have I learned from this accident?

• Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Now is the time to lose weight and get fit. You never know when you might have to rely on others to help care for you, and helping an overweight person is a lot more difficult than helping a thin person. Just ask any paramedic, nurse, or doctor.  Get the weight off while you can.
• I am convinced obesity is straight from the pit of hell. God did not create us to be obese. God wants us to have an abundant life and live life to the fullest. Obesity is a tool the devil uses to cripple us and to embarrass and humiliate us. It can also keep us from having the health and stamina to do the work God put us here on earth to do. 
• There's no such thing as a good excuse. When you  have an eating disorder, you find every excuse not to improve your health. You blame others, your circumstances, and you try to convince yourself it's not the right time to lose weight. Recently, I found myself using the last excuse, because people were bringing in my meals, and I had no control over the food I was eating. That's not true. It all comes down to portion control. No matter what we eat, we don't have to eat large amounts. I can eat a normal serving and save the rest for another meal. There's never an excuse that is a good excuse. An excuse is a way an addict tries to justify their sinful addiction. 

• God truly does use an unfortunate incident at times to get our attention. This accident has been the wake-up call I needed to start taking my health seriously. It has also given me three months at home to work on my writing. I've been wanting to write full time but never had the courage to leave my transcription job. I've learned I can make a living freelance writing. God uses the things we see as bad to change our lives for the better. Sometimes blessings come from the most difficult and trying circumstances. 

 As I continue on the road to recovery, I'm learning to listen to God. I'm thankful for the lessons he is teaching me through this difficult time. I'm praying I will take this wake-up call seriously and make 2014 the year I finally reach my weight loss goals...Lord willing...it will happen.

Great New Salads From Dole

Just a brief update. Life has been extremely busy in recent months. I'm sorry for neglecting this blog, but freelance writing assignments are keeping me busy. In addition, I'm still working 3 days a week at my medical transcription job. I plan to be home freelancing full time in the very near future. (This is something I've been working on for a long time - my dream job!) Hopefully, I will be able to spend more time blogging at that point. I've been so focused on writing that I've had little time to think about weight loss. I find when I'm busy writing, I'm not eating out of control. I've lost about 5 pounds. That isn't much over a few months, but at least I'm not gaining. I seem to have the binge eating under control. I'm content when writing which means less desire to binge eat.

Anyway, I wanted to share something new I found in the grocery store last week. Dole has a new chopped salad that is wonderful. I've never been a fan of bagged salads, but these are delicious. I've been eating them for lunch. I love the Chipotle Chedder the best so far. It's a great way to get your veggies in since they contain kale, romaine lettuce, red and green cabbage, sweet carrots, and green onions. Enjoy!

Coping with Emotions that Trigger Eating Binges

Emotional eaters try to medicate feelings with food. Learning healthy ways to cope with emotions is the key. When trying to break a negative habit, always replace it with a healthy habit.

7 Common Emotions That Trigger Binge Eating

1. You don’t feel well. 

You’re in pain, have a headache, or just feel yucky. Food is not going to change how you feel. Instead of eating, rest or take a nap if possible, take something for pain, or just sit quietly and listen to music. Make a cup of your favorite tea, coffee, or hot chocolate. Holding a warm beverage in your hands is very soothing when you aren’t feeling the greatest. Unlike food, your favorite warm drink has to be sipped and enjoyed slowly. Simply feeling the warmth from the cup in your hands is comforting and the calories are none to minimal. A cup of vegetable soup is another low-calorie option you can choose.

2. You feel lonely. 

While food can feel like a friend, the comfort it provides is very temporary. Instead, pick up the phone and call a friend or go visit a friend. If it’s too late at night to call or visit a friend, you can go online to the Weight Watchers message board and read the posts and get encouraged. It's a very active board and someone is always there around the clock. You don't have to be a member to access the board. There are other online communities for weight loss also. The choices are endless. Skype and other face-to-face technology makes it possible to chat in real time to friends when you are unable to meet in person. Watching a favorite TV show or comedy can also help you feel less alone.

3. You feel depressed. 

Turning to food or binge eating will only add to your misery after the eating frenzy is over. Reading scripture, especially the Psalms, is very helpful when you feel blue. Taking a walk outdoors is a mood lifter. Studies show that exercise is one of best treatments for depression. Put on some music and dance. Write a note or card to someone who needs encouraged. Helping others is another proven way to feel less down. 

4. You feel unloved. 

Food is a lousy lover. You certainly won’t feel loved after an eating binge. The Bible is full of verses about God’s love for his people. No human being can love you like God. He will never leave you and His love is eternal. Women of all ages struggle with feeling unloved whether they are single or married. We need to remember that no earthly relationship will ever satisfy us completely. Only when we turn to God will we find true love. I will share a list of some of my favorite Bible verses about love in an upcoming post. 

5. You are bored. 

People often turn to eating when they are bored. Maybe you have stuff to do, but you just don’t feel like doing it. You are tired of the same old routine or just daily life in general. Let’s face it, life is not always going to be exciting and many of our jobs are routine and monotonous. You feel bored, so you eat, but it does not have to be that way. Just get up and do anything other than eating. Knowing you accomplished something  will bring more satisfaction than eating a bag of chips or a box of ice cream. There are ALWAYS things we can do to break boredom. Revisit an old hobby you enjoyed but have neglected. Sometimes all we need is to make a few small changes to break out of our routine. A few examples: clean off your desk and rearrange it or add new photos, etc., take a different route home from work, shop at a new store, research a new hobby you would like to try, clean your house, plan a garden for next spring, try a new healthy recipe, sign up for an online course in something you've wanted to learn just for fun. The possibilities are endless.

6. You feel stressed. 

Stress is something we all have. It’s never going to go way, but we don’t have to grab food to cope with it. Stress eating is common. You grab the cookies or snacks without even realizing it when under extreme stress. Stress eating is probably one of the most difficult habits to change. It requires you to act and think fast when those old familiar stress symptoms arise. The first step is to try to get a few minutes alone, even if it means going to the bathroom. Take some deep breaths and say a prayer. Exercise is another great way to relieve stress. Sitting quietly and meditating on positive things or spending an extended time praying is helpful. Call your best friend and vent. Often the things we stress about are the things we look back on and laugh about later. Don’t get caught up in the moment. Pull back, breathe, and regroup. Remember, this too shall pass! 

7. You feel rebellious. 

Have you ever had a day where you just feel like you want to eat, you don’t care, and you are sick of tracking food and eating healthy? Some diet plans encourage you to take a day off occasionally and splurge. That’s fine if you can handle it, but most emotional eaters who splurge end up going completely off course and regaining several pounds before they get back on track again. I’ve been there, done that, more times than I can count. It feels good to cast away the diet mentality for a day. I recall many of my own “planned binges” from the past. I would have a lousy day at work and stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy whatever I wanted. I would think about what I was going to buy when I got to the store while I was sitting at work. It was my secret sin. Nobody would know--sort of like the “forbidden” fruit that always tastes sweeter. However, the little “affairs” with food when nobody was looking did not end well. I felt exhausted, sick, and miserable afterwards. And secret affairs with food are never hidden. Gluttony is obvious to everyone. It’s a sin we wear outwardly for the whole world to see. Our obese bodies are like giant billboards proclaiming our sin of gluttony. So, what do you do when you feel rebellious? List the reasons why you want to get healthy. Write down how you will feel after your free day of eating. Ask yourself how this action will help you reach your goals. Think about how far you have come, pounds and inches lost, and how much better you feel when you eat well. Ask yourself why you feel rebellious. Usually, rebellious feelings can be linked to one of the other emotions listed above. 

Journal Your Feelings

 One of the most helpful things you can do to better cope with any of the above emotions is to journal your feelings. Writing how you feel is therapeutic in itself. Nobody has to see your journal, so be honest. There's just something calming about writing in a journal and spilling your guts. I find for me personally this is what helps me more than anything else, but then I've always been a writer at heart. Another reason to journal? When you reach your goal weight, a journal is a written record of your journey and the process of getting there. It's a great way to document your struggles and celebrate your success.

  

Create Your Own List

You can create your own personal list of emotions you struggle with and list some healthy ways to cope. Keep the list with you. The next time you find yourself reaching for food because you're feeling a certain way, just pull out your list and use the success strategies you developed to cope. You will feel empowered to continue on your weight loss journey each time you successfully overcome an emotional trigger.

Addicts Need Drastic Measures

As a binge eater, being faced with a crisis situation or even a minor annoyance is enough to throw me right back into an eating frenzy. My first thought when faced with any type of stress is to run to food.  It's so ingrained in me that sometimes I do it before I even realize it.

I've learned firsthand that I can't simply assume I'm going to make the right choice and beat my addiction to food. I tried that for years and it just didn't work. That's because overeating is just like any other addiction. I can't kid myself into believing I'm like other people who just eat too much and are overweight. An addict needs to take drastic measures to break the cycle of destruction!

A woman I work with brought this to my attention. Before I got to know her well, I always thought she had it all together. She is a go-getter, always full of energy and ready to attack any challenge. I was shocked one day when she shared her weight loss story and pictures with me. I never new she had a weight issue and certainly never expected her to be a food addict. She was very heavy and lost a lot of weight 8 years ago. She is an emotional eater but has kept her weight off. I knew from sitting next to her that she always ate Greek yogurt or cottage cheese with fresh fruit. I never once saw her raiding the break room table of sweets and treats. She literally does not touch sugar and has not since she went on her diet 8 years ago. She explained to me how she does not take her addiction lightly, and if she gave in and ate sugar, it would set her off on a binge. She knows it will be a lifelong problem, and she is prepared to attack it consistently. She said,  "I'm a food addict and I always will be. I've accepted the fact and know I will always have to take drastic measures to keep my weight off."

For example, her husband left her a few months ago. She called a friend when she went to the grocery store to stay on the phone with her until she purchased her groceries and got out of the store. She knew the crisis of her husband leaving would send her straight to food. She did not trust herself to go to the store without loading up on junk food.

I've learned a lot from her since she opened up to me about her struggle with weight and the drastic measures she takes to keep her weight off. Some might say she's taking things too far, but I've learned it's the best way to cope with an addiction. You have to take drastic steps if you ever want to see success. Emotional-eating triggers are a constant thing in most of our lives. Each day we are faced with challenges that will throw us off course if we aren't prepared to go beyond the normal and do something radical to stay on track.

Having a support person to call is a great idea, but it must be someone who understands the severity of the problem. Another thing I am finding helpful is to write out a success-strategy plan to carry with you and read when you feel those negative emotional patterns creeping in. I will share my success strategy plan that I created next post. In the meantime, brainstorm some extreme actions or drastic measures you can implement into your life to keep you on the road to success. We can overcome addictive behaviors, but it's going to require going the extra mile to protect ourselves from destructive habits. We have to get drastic!

The Notebook

One of the things I'm doing since getting back on track again is trying to simplify things. I always hated the small trackers I used as food diaries, because I never had enough room to write down notes, etc.  My dear friend, Nancy, has been using a plain notebook for the past year and has done well losing weight and tracking her food intake. She kept telling me to get a bigger notebook and use it, but I didn't think I would like having a large book. I justified using the small trackers because they were easier to toss in my purse or work tote. I felt a big notebook would be too cumbersome to carry with me.

While I did carry the small trackers with me at times, I rarely ever used them while away from home. I usually don't have time at work to write things down and would end up waiting until I got home to track my food.

I finally decided to give the big notebook a try, and I love it! The one in the photo above caught my eye at Walmart. They were putting the back-to-school displays out and had so many cute notebooks to choose from. I like pretty things, especially floral prints. It has enough pages in it that I can use it for an entire year of daily tracking. 

I am hooked! I now enjoy writing my food down. I keep track of my thoughts and emotions that trigger eating binges. I can jot down my health flare ups to see if they are related to something I ate. I also track whether I had my daily time of prayer, Bible reading, and Bible study. Having a daily quiet time is crucial to my sanity, and tracking it keeps me accountable to make time for God each day.

I've always considered tracking a burden. I fought against it over the years like it was a horrible plague, but I know it is another one of the keys to weight loss success. Love it or hate it, it's a proven fact that those who keep a food diary lose more weight. I find for me it provides a safe boundary. Being a food addict, I need that. Left on my own to just "watch what I eat" is dangerous and allows way too much freedom to overindulge. 

I'm aware a lot of people use their smart phones or tablets to track, and the old-fashioned way is not for everyone. I'm just thrilled I found a way I love to track. It works for me, and I wish I would have started it sooner. A big part of weight loss is experimenting with things to see what makes it easier for you to stay focused. We are all different. Find whatever works for you and do it! 
 

Plan Ahead for Success

One thing that's helping me stay on track lately is planning ahead. I cleaned out the fridge and restocked it with healthy foods. I'm less tempted to stop for fast food on the way home from work if I know I have good things prepared at home. It's simple to make a salad or a stir-fry if all the vegetables are washed and ready to use. I'm finding I need to do food prep at least two days a week. It only takes about an hour or two to do and the reward is less temptation and easy to fix meals that I can put together in a half hour or less. The old Weight Watchers saying is true:

 "If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail." 

I'm amazed at how much better I feel being in control of what I eat again. I feel less bloated and my clothes don't feel as tight. I noticed positive changes on the second day back on track.

It's still hard not to run to food at times, but I keep reminding myself of how miserable I feel when I'm out of control and binge eating.  It's not worth it! Never give up. Take action, plan ahead, and you will succeed!

Inspiring Quote for Success

I love motivating quotes. I stumbled upon this one the other day and printed it out to keep in the front of my journal. It really is true. The secret of success is hard work and never giving up. I'm back on track again and doing great. 

"To tend, unfailingly, unflinchingly, towards a goal, is the secret of success." 

Anna Pavlova ~ Russian ballerina